Sometimes
tributes are given to dead people.
This isn't the case with T2T - Keith
Toner is very much alive and kicking,
although retired from his Teaching profession.
You
might think i'm quite strange, weird
or even quite sad for writing a tribute
to my old maths teacher, but hear me
out - with Toner at the front of the
classroom, there is no way you can hate
maths - it's never boring, it's never
bad - its always the class to look forward
to in the day, and dread the day you
don't have it.
Keith
Toner is unique and remarkable - he
is without doubt the most incredible
teacher of maths on the planet, and
once you've had him as a teacher, its
almost impossible to see how any other
teacher can be acceptable! Right from
Day 1, Toner has it all - the large
plastic briefcase that looks different
to any other briefcase you've ever seen.
The lanky stance, short grey hair with
partially bald spot, cheesy smile etc.
Whats even better is when anything chemistry
is mentioned - Toner's initials are
KOH - or for those of you who aren't
chemically-aware, Potassium Hydroxide,
a common chemical! Oh yeah, i forgot
to mention, we spent the first week
trying to figure out his first name
- he wouldn't tell us!
To
top it all off, he came back into school
two weeks ago, and i spotted him and
yelled out "Mr Toner!" - he
hid behind the van he was standing next
to. :D - i went up and talked to him
a little bit, then a couple of my female
friends spotted him and were instantly
excited and went almost mad, and he
saw them and held up his diary to hide
behind, then asked me "are they
gone yet??" - this man deserves
a showing in pulp comedy !! :D
Toner's
style is nothing but amazing. His refinement;
unparalleled. The reason? Well, apart
from the fact that he IS the Toner,
his little beasties (as he would say),
or what we have come to call them, "Tonerisms".
Tonerism's
are Toner's words and sayings - they
are parts of his humor that are the
most memorable - most of them (in fact
almost all) are in some way maths related,
but all of you will be able to find
some humor in them. Without further
ado.. (euck!) - Tonerisms.
"0800
4 TONER"
-
After a relatively boring early morning,
Toner dances into maths looking notoriously
happy, holding a cardboard cutout about
40cm long by 5cm high with "0800
4 TONER" written on it, exclaiming
that "If you ever need maths help,
all you need to do is ring the number!"
- he then explained that he had found
it on the side of a box from a printer
cartridge/laser toner company. (You
really had to be there).
"Hozirontal"
-
Tonerism to the max. Whenever Horizontal
needed saying, Hozirontal would be Toner's
word. E.g. "A gradient of 0 means
the line is hozirontal."
"Vetrical"
-
Just like above, Vetrical - the Tonerism
of Hozirontal. Example: "Rule a
vetrical line on your page peoples"
"Wubbleyou"
- At algebra time comes the
Wubbleyou. It's W, Toner style.
"Wubbish"
- Rubbish, in Toner. Used anywhere
e.g. "Oh what wubbish - that doesn't
equal that" or in combination with
another, more famous Tonerism - "Oh
wubbish - I'll fight ya for it!"
"Box
& Whiskey"
- If you know your graphs, you'll
understand this one. A Box & Whisker
graph becomes a Box & Whiskey graph
under Toner's command.
"Confuddled"
-
Confused about this one? Exactly. -
"Are you all confuddled yet, or
shall i ramble on some more?"
"Worstest"
-
This is just a classic, bad grammar
Tonerism.
"Mistook"
-
A mistook is a mistake - only Toner
obviously mistake mistook for mistake!
"Pythagosaurus"
-
Look folks, it's a Tyrannosaurus Rex!
Oh No! What's this!!! PYTHAGOSAURUS!
(it's Pythagoras for those who don't
know what i'm on about) .. hehe :D
"Tringle"
-
Probably the most used tonerism, along
with the likes of Mistook, a Tringle
is a Triangle.. just without the a :)
"Listen"
(pronounced
Liss-Ten)
-
A less obvious tonerism on paper, Lis-ten
is Toner's way of saying listen.. doesn't
make much sense does it? - He pronounces
the T - it makes you lisTen tho :)
"Sodistics"
(or
sadistics)
-
For those of you that know Statistics,
you'll understand why. Sodistics. Statistics
are Sodistic. They are also Sad, hence,
sadistics and sodistics. One of the
greats :D
"Wollygon"
-
We've all heard of a square, octagon,
hexagon etc. The name wollygon is given
to any one of these :)
"Whatagon"
-
A variant of wollygon - a Whatagon generally
refers to the word "Polygon"
although Whatagon and Wollygon do cross
over in their usage, from time to time
:)
"Swircle"
-
Lala, looloo, doo daa... A swircle -
it's like a circle - in fact, it IS
a circle, just Toner's been hacking
at its name :D
"Dismals"
-
A Classic tonerism - Dismals are decimals,
but because decimals are dismal, they
are dismals. Or at least, thats what
i interpreted it as :P
"Skizzas"
-
Never forget to cut things out with
your Skizzas :)
"Official
Kermit Green"
-
This Tonerism quote was used in conjunction
with "...(do it this way).. or
Official Kermit Green will come after
you" - oh so brilliant :D
"Divide
the doo-daa"
-
I still can't decide whether this was
Toner thinking to himself while doing
something on the board, or explaining
to our class - either way, it's a great
tonerism.
"Auto
Complete System"
-
Im not entirely sure, but i think this
was used when we were given a formula.
Toner said something along the lines
of "plug it into the Auto Complete
System (a.k.a formula) and .."
- but i'm not entirely sure
"Say
to yourself: 'Self, Can I simplify?'"
-
Oooh boy, we're getting into the extreme
realms of funny Tonerisms here - this
has got to be one of his best. While
explaining something to us, he came
to a vertex and stood there after explaining
how to start the problem, and then said
"It's now time where you must say
to yourself: "Self, Can I simplify?"
" - i remember at this point the
class erupted :D
"Meanwhile
back in the maths world"
-
General Purpose Tonerism - Toner used
this whenever he wanted to get our attention
back on him :)
"Sine
is my friend"
-
I'm not entirely sure where this one
came from, but he said it while we were
doing Trigonometery, so everyone remember
- Sine is your friend.
"Algebra
II"
"Algebra: The Return"
"Son of Algebra: Just when you
thought it was safe..."
-
This is a real extract from what Toner
wrote on the board when we started the
2nd part of algebra - in that exact
order. This was another one of those
absolutely hilarious tonerisms that
caused an eruption of laughter :D
"Break
a duck and get on with it!"
-
Used like "build a bridge and get
over it" - "Oh come on! Just
break a duck and get on with it!"
"No
worries Bruce, we'll just whip these
out..."
-
Hehe, this one came up when we were
rearranging equations - i think this
was more a case of Toner talking to
himself than the class, but we all heard
it, and it was funny nonetheless :)
"Two
To's - To squared - TOOT"
-
My gawd, i don't remember where this
one came from but damn it was funny!
It must've been number.. or maybe algebra,
but my god. :P
"Spinney-winney"
-
Another quirky little Tonerism - this
one came while doing Geometry - the
drawing part, and Toner had to use a
compass on the board... that was a feat
and a half considering how brilliantly
bad his writing is :D
"Car,
a car and a carcar"
-
Once again, i don't remember where this
one came from. Imagine a middle-aged
maths teacher saying THAT in the middle
of a class though. Toner did. :D
"I'll
fight ya for it!"
-
This quote is the peak of Tonerisms
- definately the most used Tonerism
of all time, if anyone disputes something
Toner says, he always uses this, i.e.
"but the answer is... this",
"No it's not.. its this.. I'll
fight ya for it!"
"You
havn't seen my friends..."
-
This one is another classic Tonerism
- he usually combined it with "I'll
fight ya for it" after somebody
pulled the old "yeah whatever!"
- i.e. "I'll fight ya for it!"
"yeah right!" ".. You
havn't seen my friends..."
Toner toward the end of the year said
that he didn't actually have any big
scary friends.. but thats beside the
point :D
THERE
WE HAVE IT!! TONERISMS!!
That's
all the Tonerisms i can actually remember,
and i'm pretty sure theres lots more
to add to that list, so if anyone remembers
any please do submit them - Tonerisms
are far too valuable to go without mention.
Before
i finish, I'm going to take the time
now to officially thank Mr Keith Toner
- he got almost nothing of a mention
in the school's Collegian magazine when
he retired (about 3 lines max.), and
in my opinion (and the opinion of my
entire class last year) deserves a lot,
lot more. I would like to thank Mr Toner
for all his time and dedication teaching
our class last year, he is an amazing
man and an amazing teacher. Him retiring
is perhaps the biggest loss to our school
that it has ever had - maths will never
be the same. If he ever reads this,
Good Luck for the future Mr T, and I
hope you come back before we leave!
THANK
YOU MR TONER!
-SpRoNKeY.
